Woman Doesn't Want to Be Involved with Sister-In-Law's Baby Loss 3 Years Later: ‘At What Point Do We Stop Mentioning It?’

Mar. 15, 2025

Sad woman (stock image).Photo:Getty

Getty

A woman says her sister-in-law experienced apregnancy lossthree years ago and still regularly brings the loss up at family functions — but the woman says she no longer wants to be “involved” in her sister-in-law’s public grieving process.

The woman described the situation on Reddit’s“Am I the A——?”forum, explaining that her sister-in-law — who already has three children — “had a stillbirth 3 years ago.” The Redditor noted that she and the rest of the family were “so saddened” and “offered support” at the time.

The OP (original poster) also said that sheattended memorialsfor both the first and second anniversaries of the loss, which she admitted “felt very awkward” for her, explaining that she had a stillborn sibling and “grew up in a household that didn’t talk about it.”

Sad woman looking out a window (stock image).Getty

Now, the Redditor says that she and her immediate family have once again been invited to a memorial service for the third year in a row, “but we felt it was too much for us to go through again after attending the first two.” Instead, she says, “I chose to light a candle and wore my angel wings brooch for the week before and week after the passing date as a tribute.”

However, the OP says that she recently received a message from her mother-in-law informing her that her sister-in-law is “very upset” that she “didn’t make the effort,” and asked the OP to apologize.

“Whilst I appreciate she’s still grieving […] I don’t believe you can dictate to others how to grieve nor can you have a monopoly on grief,” the OP wrote. She added: ”I respect that she wants to do a grand gesture each year but she needs to accept that not everyone wants to or feels comfortable being a part of it.”

The majority of commenters assured the OP that her feelings are not invalid — and noted that it seems as though her sister-in–law mayneed professional helpto more constructively deal with her grief if she has not sought it out already.

Sad woman (stock image).Getty

Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

However, other commenters noted that it also isn’t fair or healthy to expect her sister-in-law to pretend she’s not hurting just to make other people comfortable.

“ESH [everyone sucks here],” wrote one person.

They continued: “Your SIL is notgrieving in a healthy way. That is very clear. And the way her grief is going to harm her other children is very sad. Hopefully the family is supportive in encouraging her to seek counseling. But it seems like from the beginning you believed she should grieve in private so as not to bother you with her pain. […] Grieving is awkward, supporting people grieving is hard … but you still do it.”

If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

source: people.com